What happened to the spontaneity of the past? The advent of social media and dating apps has undoubtedly brought about changes in the approach to love, or even just relationships. Tinder , Bumble , Hinge , and Grindr are just a few of the countless virtual spaces where you can meet new people and, why not, find that much-desired connection, even for just one night.
There are those who completely demonize change, branding it a dysfunctional and utterly toxic system , but there are also those who continue to praise it, maintaining that everything, ultimately, always depends on the person and the values they embody. They say the truth almost always lies somewhere in the middle, and perhaps that's exactly the case here.
Social media has undoubtedly shortened many timeframes and expanded the range of possibilities, breaking down the wall of shyness and offering a kind of filter through which to dive, hoping to attract attention and, in the best case scenario, land a match . The dynamics are very similar on social media, where Instagram Direct easily becomes a platform on which to express one's thoughts or send out an invitation, whether explicit or subtle. The screen acts as a presentation, reactions as a signal, likes on messages that leave doubts or speak clearly.
Everything today is more virtual than real, and the new generations know this well. Covid is also a contributing factor in this new direction, a period that has kept us all distant yet still close, precisely thanks to those screens we often criticize today. What can a screen say about me? What, a concise biography, can reveal about me? "Serious relationship," "Just for fun," "Friends": is it really possible to box yourself into preferences? Maybe so, you just need to be aware of it.
The power of social media , and therefore of dating apps , is objective : there are couples who have truly found the love of their lives in the virtual world, there are people who, thanks to this "dividing screen," have been able to express themselves without fear of judgment, typing words on the keyboard as if they were syllables breathed in person. And yet, everything is different, everything seems simplified, even if, if we think about it, some dynamics are not always so easy to accept... and experience firsthand.
Dating apps really work, but there's a downside.
" They really work! " someone wrote under our post, almost in amazement or with a great deal of strange wonder. No one has ever doubted the effectiveness of these virtual dating methods, but while they can actually lead to the altar, they can also, today, cause confusion, insecurities, and many, sometimes too many, questions.
Nothing is wrong, as long as it's done with instant clarity, something, it seems, often unheard of in these spaces. How many times has that friend come to you and said: " He disappeared into thin air " – "He asked me out and then never showed up again" – "After the first date, which went well, he disappeared"? At least once, or maybe twenty. This is one of the most common dynamics when it comes to dating apps , or maybe it's simply the dynamics of modern love?!
Young people are asking this question, but so are Millennials and older generations: what was it like before social media? Perhaps everything was slower, perhaps everything was much more spontaneous, free from filters, likes and dislikes, superlikes , hidden stories, and lists of close friends on Instagram.
Perhaps we were simply ourselves without too many convoluted interlocks: but why is this no longer possible today?
In reality, it always is, but it's not sought after, or so it seems. Hit-and-run love , irresponsible love, where the law of large numbers and the obsessive collection of temporary dopamine apply. Today, there's ghosting , there are situationships , but the effort, or the sacrifice, seems to have disappeared. Only the sharing, often fictitious, of fake stories or the exaggerated exaltation of feelings: a little sad, isn't it?
Do you @ me or is it fake? Has love changed today or doesn't it exist? Is anyone still looking for it?
The picture doesn't seem very promising, but we're not here to raise alarmism of any kind or to judge a choice as better or worse. However, we must be objective: the way we experience relationships has changed . Whether for the better or for the worse is not up to us to decide; experiences, personal stories, and life speak for themselves. Some people have decided to download Tinder just to have casual sex and have finally found their soulmate, but others, thinking they've found "the" right person, have been ghosted without any explanation. The movements of dating apps are confusing, but as the good old saying goes, "Let's not tar everyone with the same brush," which is never fair. But, damn, something has really changed, we can't pretend otherwise.
What doesn't work in relationships today?
Perhaps the idea that everything must necessarily pass through a screen —which undoubtedly helps overcome shyness, but on the other hand, filters out authenticity—and that everything must be published to make it credible. Does secrecy only exist between lovers? Why can't two people who are together not post? Does not sharing my boyfriend every day make me less in love? The question opens up a whole host of debates: what do you think?
How to Avoid Falling Into the Dating App Abyss: Using Them Prudently Is Key
In any case, dating apps certainly continue (and will continue) to be a way to meet people, embark on short flings, recover from a breakup, simply chat with someone, exchange opinions or nudes (always be careful about sexting and sending material! See here ). Using them is normal and not subject to criticism, but it's always important to do so with great care.
Unfortunately, certain mechanisms are common, as are certain dynamics. Use them for what they really are: virtual spaces in which to meet new potential partners, nothing more. Protect yourself, your emotions, your privacy , if you want to. In short, the moral is always the same: do what you feel like doing, but do it with full knowledge of the facts, with awareness, with clarity. Okay, love and hormones can sometimes really mess up and make us lose our minds a bit, but we are still "thinking animals," so think.
Don't get sucked into the toxic vibes these virtual spaces can bring out: always be authentic, free, and a dreamer if necessary. Care about your well-being, have fun, keep searching for what makes you feel good, and, if you can, never box yourself in with a fake bio or a fake photo. Isn't it better to be transparent? Okay, maybe not right away, and maybe not to everyone, but that way, when the light shines through you, everyone will see it. What good is an opaque surface?
