First-time panic? It's normal, just don't let it overwhelm you. "The first time sucks," that's what we've always heard; the same old cliché, the same old phrase that puts a stop to the action. Okay, it's true, maybe the first time won't be among the hottest memories of your life, but that's not necessarily the case for everyone. Let's start with the basics: there's no instruction manual for the perfect sexual encounter , let alone one for the first time. It all depends on managing your mind, the first real element you need to keep under control if you want to literally enjoy the moment.
First Time SOS: What goes through people's minds before having sex?
Performance anxiety has always been around, the fear of "failure" (if we can even call it failure: spoiler alert) is a recurring thought, the fear of judgment, the appearance, the naked body in front of others' gaze. In short, psychologically preparing for the first sexual encounter , as exciting and pleasurable as it may be, can bring on a few worries. While these, as we said before, have always been present, today they're felt much more. Maybe it's because people are getting younger, maybe it's because on social media we talk about everything and often do so in a mean way, maybe it's because everyone seems to be an expert on sex and relationships these days. No, that's not how it works: every first time is unique, gaffes and moments of embarrassment included.
What if I'm doing something wrong? What if he doesn't like me as much as I thought? What if I can't maintain an erection?
Insecurity reigns supreme when it's your first time; panic can take over and ruin a moment of shared pleasure. Do you know what's bothering you? Comparison , the feeling of not being enough, the fear of making mistakes, the idea that your body might not be liked. Stop, you have to stop, you have to think clearly: if you can create such an intimate situation, why shouldn't it be okay? What scares you more? Letting others see you for who you are or the fact that something could go wrong? Are you aware of your beauty, of your mastery of movement? Of the sensuality you put into everything you do? You have to be that first and everything, trust me, will only go smoothly.
Losing your virginity is an obsolete concept: don't fixate!
Did you know that the concept of virginity is now completely obsolete ? Did you know that, since the hymen is an elastic tissue , it cannot break ? After this realization, breathe a sigh of relief and don't get any strange thoughts: everyone reacts differently to their first time. Don't get stuck on whether or not they bled during their first intercourse: every body is different. There are no milestones to tick off , there's no age limit to stick to : the first time will forever be YOUR first time.
First time doesn't mean perfection: forget the panic and enjoy the moment
Regardless of the type of relationship between two people who decide to have sex, the first time is still a great moment . Not one of the best, because it's still a new experience to be discovered, but it's still unique. Don't be afraid if it's not what you've imagined for months: the beauty of live sex is that everything can change in the blink of an eye! The most important aspect, which is always good to keep in mind, is this: do what inspires you without fear of judgment and asking—it should be obvious by now, but it doesn't hurt to remember—for consent. Don't let prejudice overwhelm you, don't let fear envelop you, don't be afraid of anything: you are exactly where you want to be, with the person you've chosen. Whether it's for fun, whether it's just for one night, whether it's all the love in the world: the first sexual encounter is a journey through your body , to discover sensations you never thought you could feel, towards the intimate exploration of a skin that is not only yours. Okay, too cheesy? The bottom line is this: do what you want and don't worry about anything: you are perfectly capable of handling the situation .
What if the first time really sucks? Never mind, you think about the second or third...
What "first-time panic" involves primarily concerns two spheres: the psychological, the most "oppressive," to which the physical is immediately linked. The mind is capable of incredible journeys and getting lost in the depths of insecurity, often found in the body. The idea that the first time might suck weighs heavily even before finding yourself face to face, sigh after sigh, first touches and pleasures. What if it really sucks? It's okay, it's certainly not your fault, and do you know why? Because when it comes to sex, blame isn't taken. Everyone, with their own insecurities and fantasies, with their exposed skin, their own scars, their own dose of sensuality, their own time—oh, time, what an essential concept—does what they want, how they want, respecting the person in front of you. I remember the first time as an experiment : between embarrassment and silence, a light on and one off, a bit of music in the background, a shy body that struggled to reveal itself, slowly, with the right precautions and the right moments, everything went as it was supposed to.
No expectations, but just a great desire to start a journey, this is the key
Be where you want to be and indulge in the pleasure of discovery, step by step. Over time, you'll learn what you like , what you'd rather avoid for a while, and how powerful your body can be in the heat of desire. Learn from yourself, get to know yourself, pamper yourself: the love you give yourself will make every experience memorable. Leave comparisons locked away; it's not a competition, not a beauty contest: there's you, there's the person you've chosen to share a moment with.
Start with simple things , caresses, kisses and little touches, don't rush to "arrive", let yourself go and enjoy the journey, because every arrival will be different!
NOTE : Don't forget protection, never do it. Condoms are essential. They might be a little uncomfortable, but with the right lubrication, you'll slide in like a charm.
See you soon! <3
